| things are fine |
[30 Jul 2005|09:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 mellow |
] |
Busy. Busier than I'd like to be. So I never update this thing
Sidenote:
My cellphone went ka-put
and along with it .. the memory
read: I have about 5 phone #'s now ...
that includes my house...
If I had your phone number @ any time ..
Or I really should have
Please re-give it to me??
I feel so lost : )
<3
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[10 Jul 2005|01:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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fan |
] |
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| Jason, this is purely for your benefit |
[08 Jun 2005|02:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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matt's a/c |
] |
tagged [xnatas_666x]
6 favorite bands / cd's... well that kinda changes
The Beatles - The White Album/1's
NiN - Most... it's hard to name ONE song or album..
KSE - Alive or Just Breathing [ for old times sake ]
In Flames - Reroute to Remain/Clayman/Whoracle ( in that order )
Fuel- Shimmer (I still jump/giddify when it comes on the radio)
and ... ummm... i have no idea<3
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[16 Jan 2005|11:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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3 doors down?? hahah |
] |
(yup) been drunk
(:-D) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(friendly-like) kissed a member of the same sex
(nope) crashed a friend's car
(nope) been to Taiwan
(no, actually) ridden in a taxi
(currently, very) been in love
(who hasn't) been dumped
(yup - like twizzlers) shoplifted
(not yet) been fired
(both) been in a fist fight/drunken fight
(hahaha ooo yeah) snuck out of my parent's house
(nope) ever dated someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(technically) been arrested
(nope) made out with a stranger
(yup[umm - this is shoplifting]) stole something from my job
(don't want to) celebrated new years in Time Square
(I can't remember the last "date" I went on.) gone on a blind date [actually, Jim and I go out to dinner/movies a lot.. does that count?]
(unfortunately) lied to a friend
(Nah) had a crush on a teacher
(WANT TO) celebrated Mardi gras in New Orleans
(WANT TO SOOOO BAD) been to Europe
(Isn't this sad? Only once. On my b'day) skipped school/class [that was the day all the shit with the pennsbury busses happened]
(uggghhhhhhh - he was my boyfriend.) slept with a co-worker
(stupid is as stupid does) cut myself on purpose
(only if I stay with Jim. haha otherwise I'm becoming a nun) been married
(^) gotten divorced
(AH! nooo) had children
(lets not talk about this) seen someone die
(Never been off the god damn continent) been to Africa
(don't think so?) had a crush on one of my Live journal friends
(hahah mainly punched) Slapped someone
(how far is 400 miles?) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
(Yup 2x) Been to Canada
(Yupp) Been to Mexico
(xYiis) Been on a plane
(Yup) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(Never technically been to a bar) Thrown up in a bar but not because of drinking
(NO) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(Makes me gag. Must try shrimp sushi.) Eaten Sushi
(LOVED IT) Been snowboarding
(Mmm friend of a friend kinda thing) Met someone in person from the Internet
(HELL YES) Been moshing at a concert
(Nope) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(partially.) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself
(OH GOD YES. haha worst 7 months of my life) been in an abusive relationship(physical or emotional)
(a billion times) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
(still can't find em) lost a child
(currently) gone to college
(nope) graduated college
(nope) tried killing yourself
(just had wisdom teeth out) taken painkillers
(I HATE BEING BURNED) accidentally burned yourself
(finally) love someone or miss someone right now
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[08 Jan 2005|11:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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f11 |
] |
I am sick of all this fucking pain. my mouth hurts UNBELIEVABLY. i just want everything to go back to normal and my mouth to NOT be so fucking swollen, and to be able to fucking do something and not just sit around. I AM SO GOD DAMN BORED!!
I'm starting to bruise under my eye and on my che4ek which just adds to the look that I got beat the fuck up. The only person I've seen all fucking week is Jim. I'm SOOOOOOOOO BOOOOORREEEEDDDDDDDDDD.. My fucking face hurts so much. Even tho all I've done is see Jim, that's kinda all I want to do, I just wnt him to keep holding me until this goes away. Until I can actually eat and stop feeling so sick and weak. I hate this
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[28 Nov 2004|02:33am] |
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mood |
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It was a good day :D |
] |
| [ |
music |
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none |
] |
Got a bagel from Jim's work (so nice) then worked 11:30-7:30. Met up with Chris and Tina @ Friday's. [[It's been SO amazing to see Tina so much again. I can't wait 'til she comes home for break!! Just like old times :D ]] Then went to Shire's and saw Jon (YAY!!) Bri and another kid. Finally Dan and Seth got there and eventually went to Brian's. Just sat around enjoying being around them again. I missed Jon a lot. (hugs = superb) I love how I can always sit around with those kids and enjoy nothing. heh Tomorrow, hanging out with Cindy, then Niki? Things are good.
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[21 Nov 2004|11:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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missy. |
] |
SO let see. Last week or two. Basically, hanging out with Jim, Tara, and Tina (YAY!) I really need to hang out with her more often. She is so awesome. my neck hurts. I think I slept funny.. I don't know what the hell to do with myself today. I know I should clean.. completely don't feel like it. at all. so lazy.
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[03 Nov 2004|04:32pm] |
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mood |
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 pensive |
] |
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music |
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the explosion. i believe.. |
] |
halloween was fine. shall eventually post pictures. possibly. am bored and unreasonably pissy, sucks. i don't want to be alone, but nobody's making me happy, either. gahh
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[13 Oct 2004|12:54am] |
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mood |
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 x. I feel hopeless .x |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Lacuna Coil |
] |
Guess it's been a while. Worked 6 (six) days in a row last week. Hopefully a paycheck of approx. $500? Trying to hang out with Jim less, it's getting into that everyday rut again. I don't ever want to be bored with him. I used to think I had to spend every available second of every day we hung out, together. But the night before last, I went over his house at 8:30/9, we chilled for a lil while, then went out to eat and I dropped him off at like 10:30. Didn't spend much time together, but it was nice just seeing him. Then pub'd it up with f.b.d. hahaha then Tara's til 3. then bed. I am tired. I want to write more but I'll just be complaining anyways. Something about Jim has me uneasy.
All I want is to feel special. I feel like I ask too much.
I talk too much.
Myspace is the new LJ
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[04 Oct 2004|09:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 full |
] |
| [ |
music |
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black eyed peas ::sexy:: |
] |
Well, Nicole said she'd call when she got out of work.. so after talking to Jim for a bit on the phone, and him saying he didn't have plans til like, 9 or 10.. I said I'd stop by for a bit til she called. Well, I ended up being there til 20 after when Glenn came over. Oh well. Matt called me again, but didn't call me back after I returned... oh well. Tomorrow is the 5th, 7 months already. sick. I really can't wait til winter. Watching those videos over Jims makes me want to roll around in vast and massive snow scapes. haha
Dan is too funny
creepingdan: how are yq?
MuteVocalist3: doing quite well, got my eyebrow pierced again
MuteVocalist3: heh
creepingdan: thts cool
MuteVocalist3: it looks okies. i thik.
creepingdan: Im sure, you cant look bad
creepingdan: speaking of bad, hows your boyfriend?
MuteVocalist3: aww danke sweets
creepingdan: its the trooth
MuteVocalist3: haha he's doing very well
MuteVocalist3: thanks
creepingdan: coolness
tonite was nice, tho. i got all hyper off krispy kremes and started talking like crazy. but i said stuff that i had really wanted to say so i'm glad i did. ::sigh:: too much on my mind to talk.
night
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| christina is a very very happy girl now |
[04 Oct 2004|03:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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My Chemical Romance ::I'm Not Okay:: |
] |
( Picc-i-tures )
got that done yesterday at Infinite on fourth street (right off south street) it doesn't hurt anymore, and it's not really red anymore. hopefully this healing period goes well. heh only 2 months left ::gags:: but yes, I am happy now. Jim came with me, but I was unsure about his mood.. he seemed kinda unhappy.. but we ate at Jims (fantastic fucking cheesesteaks) and then drove into ridiculous traffic cuz of an accident in the left lane. took us a while but we talked through it.. so that was nice. When I was dropping him off (he had school work to do) he kissed me and was like "you look really good baby" so I felt better. Get almost to Tara's and his phone rings. Yeah.. HIS phone.. in my car. So I drive back and am on his front porch about to ring the bell when he calls.. and I tell him I'm on his porch. He comes out, another hug and kiss and tells me I'm the best. heh I love being with him. 7 months tomorrow. It's weird, in no way does it feel that lengthy.. So I go over Tara's, we go to her cousins (the Veralls) [sp] and eat a lil birthday cake, and just chill with them or a while. Drove her and her mom home, was at her house for a while then just went home. Got out of work 3 hours early today. Soooo sweet. It's gorgeous outside.
want to start working out with Cindy soon. my mom and lindsay both said i look like I've lost weight.. (of course Lindsay's was a compliment.. my mom made it sound like an accusation.. gr) I don't think I have.. and I certainly haven't been trying to haha But I would like to be in better shape... ah well.
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[03 Oct 2004|12:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Clash ::White Riot:: |
] |
tina my love. I am sorry, my battery died. i can't remember your email address and this seems to be the only website that will open. i will call you back tomorrow (sunday) at some point. and hopefully HOPEFULLY will see you soon. I promise, I will visit.. I am just not sure as to when. but yes.
I am getting my double soon. Need to find a good peircing place. Anybody with any suggestions? Warriors is just so dirty.... ick. but yes.
took on extra hours today. last paycheck was 300 and some. lets expand on that. hang out with jim a lot.
that's all.
am quite happy, also.
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| So very Nicole of her: |
[29 Sep 2004|01:53pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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stupid franz ferdinand.. some other song. grr |
] |
MuteVocalist3: we could do something after that?
Fire of regrets: sure thing
MuteVocalist3: anything you want to do, specifically.. or just wanna figure it out then?
Fire of regrets: haha i dont know what we could do
MuteVocalist3: anything we can't normally do with boys. heh
Fire of regrets: well go down on each other?
..exactly.
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| funniest shit. ever. stole this from jason |
[29 Sep 2004|12:19pm] |
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mood |
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conflicted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Franz Ferdinand ::Take Me Out:: god DAMN it Monster! |
] |
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. CC
2. Dixie
3. Christina
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My legs
2. I'm a good listener/advice-giver type person
3. my hair
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my god damn stomach (das why Cindy and I are going to start a work-out REGIME LOL) pronounced reh-ZHEEM .. tho what she meant was regimen haha
2. I worry. a lot.
3. actually, i worry way way too much and that's enough for things on this list
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. Girls.. or Boys, really.
2. Why I always end up dating such skinny fucking dudes
3. Michael Flatly
THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. People; emo kids, hispanics, blacks, aging hipsters, hippies, asains, rich kids
2. emo music
3. pop music
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. girls with chicken legs
2. being completly alone
3. drugs.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. FOOD
2. My music (all of it!) -exactly, jason-
3. mmm more food
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. Killswitch, I guess
2. Bach
3. Beatles
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS @ THE MOMENT:
1. Black Eyed Peas ::Lets Get Retarded/ Get it Started::
2. Fuel ::Shimmer::
3. Breaking Benjamin - I think it's track five...
THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
1. Jim
2. Tara
3. work people
THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
1. butt sex. i agree. none of that
2. drugs.
3. sing. period.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. musically related stuff
2. kissing Jim.
3. sleeping/eating/playing
THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
1. mmmm. to relax (a massage would be nice)
2. an ear.
3. to get out of here
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Massage Therapist
2. Physical Therapist
3. something with kids, like counseling or something
THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. Italy
2. Germany
3. Ummm Europe.... and more
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. See Tool
2. Travel, extensively (be in a position to do so...)
3. Love.
Do You/Have You:
Eaten Sushi?: Yesm. And I've tried numerous kinds.. but they all make me gag.
Seen the original Star Wars Trilogy?: Yes
Pet a chicken?: mmm can't say that I've ever tried..
Seen the Statue of Liberty in person?: numerous times (haha jason.. you are your west coast bullshit) :P
Gotten a tattoo?: nope. too scared. haha 11 piercings, no tattoos
Commited a crime?: oooo yeah
Cried at the movie theaters?: mmm yes. that god damn passion movie
Fallen asleep @ school?: almost every day of senior year
Remember when Crunchberries came in two colors?: they aren't anymore??
Prefer the 90's to the 00's and the years to come?: I like now, now is good. Then was decent too, tho.
1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: There are little brick walls and little doors, spread out on the kitchen table it could be the parts of a school or a church. [Lullaby - Chuck Palahniuk]
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What did you touch?: my straightener
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?: ....can't even remember. i think one of Jim's snowboarding videos
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is: around 1 or so
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 12:44pm
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? my fan, switchfoot
7: When did you last step outside? What were you doing?: about 15 mins ago, getting old socks out of my car for laundry
8: What are you wearing?: my "pirate" underwear (omg the comfy-est underwear ever -- dark purple and light purple thick stripes, with a tiny shiny, sparkly line separating each line) and a purple long sleeve t-shirt
9: Did you dream last night?: nah - bad night.
10: When did you last laugh?: yesterday at some point ACTUALLY. when I was reading Jason's version of this
11: What is on the walls of the room you are in?: a lot of my paintings, posters, my dry erase board.......
12: Seen anything weird lately?: too much weird shit to mention
13: What do you think of this quiz?: kills time
14: What is the last film you saw?: ::shrug::
15: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: a big awesome comfy house that was everything I want in it.
16: Tell me something about you that I don't know: ...i hate these questions
17: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: hahaha i'm not telling
18: Do you like to dance?: oooooo yeeah
19: George Bush: fuck that fucking fucker of a fuck
20: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: daughter? hah ... ha ha.. ummm dunno yet
21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? meh.
22: Would you ever consider living abroad?: lol yeah
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| Saturday and Sunday |
[26 Sep 2004|11:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radio |
] |
So Saturday: I worked 10-3. Then chilled around the house for a while, picked up Alyssa and went to the Polanka show. Twas fun hanging out with her. :) Got broken up early. A big ol Fuck You goes out to the Bensalem Police. Went home and went to sleep.
Today, Sunday - Slept in, chilled out, and went to visit Jim @ work.. Unfortunately his work had already closed. So I called him from outside @ 3:30. He said he had to go cuz he was busy cleaning.. before I could tell him I was outside. So I sat outside and waited for like half an hour or so.. O well. Not going to go home to come back later.. So shoved his bike in the back of my car, and went back to his house. He said he could really only chill for a short while cuz he needed to pack a lot still. Well, as soon as I got in there I started helping him pack, so I was there all night. Twas nice, but the pops was flipping out at him all ngiht about the stupidest shit - Jim was really stressed. Like, I've never seen him like that before. I could tell he wasn't in the mood to chill anymore so I just left him to shower and sleep. Today was kinda nice tho.. Like, stupid little stuff like this, it makes me feel so important. Like I'm becoming such a big part of his life.. I mean, I helped him pack and move all day, Cindy and I decided we were going to start working out together. Should be cool, cuz I really want someone to work out with.. well, not like lift and shit.. but get in better shape and stuff. Do lottsa cardio. Especially since we're such simlar body types, should be good. Jim doesn't think we actually will. And Mark just wants us to do naked partner yoga. haha It's kinda a funny idea - me hanging out with Cindy separately of Jim. I just imagine this scenario: Jim calls and I'm like, 'sorry can I call you back - I'm hanging out with Cindy right now' haha but yeah. just um, das it. and I have work m - t - th - f. Jim said he wants to chill tomorrow, should be interesting, considering I'll be going to a different house.. heh
ANYWAY. My past two weeks have been very Jim consumed. In our relationship, we were together a LOT at first, we hung out nearly everyday.. then it trailed off a bit.. not much but a little. Now we're back to every day. Doing something. Even if not ALL DAY. I always see him, yesterday was the first day in 2 weeks I didn't see him at all. AH! done
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| How very Brian of him: |
[26 Sep 2004|11:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radio. |
] |
MuteVocalist3: Are you ever getting that tattoo you were planning on?
BODOMWARRlOR666: i dunno i have no money lol
MuteVocalist3: lol.
MuteVocalist3: get a job?
BODOMWARRlOR666: no
MuteVocalist3: then i guess you're going to have to become a ninja-for-hire
MuteVocalist3: those are looking like your options
BODOMWARRlOR666: damn strait
BODOMWARRlOR666: im all about that lol
MuteVocalist3: hehe
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| Weekend.. or something |
[22 Sep 2004|04:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Breaking Benjamin |
] |
So lets see if I can remember:
Monday: Worked 9-4 then went over Jim's, went home to get ready, came back, we went to get his hair cut, then went to his mom's for the birthday dinner. Twas nice. She got him these terrible t-shirts that he's NEVER going to wear. o man.. she got him a MULLET shirt. Like it's funny or something.. oo man. o well. so then I just dropped him off cuz he had h.w. to do..
Tuesday: Finished up his b'day shopping. got all ready. dropped my presents off in his room (i love how his house is never locked..) picked him up from work, perfect timing. then just chilled out and gave him his b'day presents. I gave him a shirt that looks like one he has, but the orig. is all ruined and stained & stuff. gave him a Clash guitar book. heh and LOTS of sour candy. heh he seemed to appreciate it. made me happy :) and yeah, das about it - oh, and a lil surprise for him. hehe tuesday night we went out with Cindy to Mark's to chill for Taco's and such. twas nice. then just chilled at his house where we ended up falling asleep 'til like 12. went home and went right to sleep.
Today: worked 9 'til 3:30 then just came home.. Goin' out with the boy later, but for now I just wanna chill out here. He's still insisting on taking me out for dinner, so I'll suggest dinner Friday and maybe a 'picnic' on Saturday or Sunday...
Definitely something to think about. Jim and I were talking about smoking while we were at Mark's.. and we were talking about how Tommy B. tried to convince me to smoke with them every day he drove me home. I told him there was no chance (purely because he was bugging me) and Jim was like "yeah, i told him, even before he started asking you, i told him there was no way you'd do it like that, if you wanted to you'd probably come out and ask me" I just sat there. exactly. I love when someone says something so perfectly that I don't even have to add to it. haha. I didn't feel it necessary to have the last word. I just kinda sat there and was like "Yeah.." haha no too relevant or anything.. but it made me feel good that he understands things like that about me. He's really awesome. my teeth feel weird. like, sensitive. it's weird, but cool and kinda painful.
o well. hungry. food now.
maybe i gush a hell of a lot.
but atleast this thing isn't painfully bi-polar
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| scattered |
[19 Sep 2004|01:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
winson ly |
] |
yesterday was nice. was upset about the timing thing, but I'll have to say "all's well, that ends well" went to nifty fifty's with Jim. saw Bree. nice surprise. then went to adam's party. stayed for about 30 mins, then just went back to Jim's to chill out. today picked Jim up from work (accidentally) ran errands, dropped off Sami and my mom's film. cleaned up around the house, then got the film and went over Jim's. the phone died. missed anton's call (SORRY!!!) we WILL chill soon. and missed tina's. She called me not 2 mins after I got home and then I went over Bri's. Was there til almost 1.. got home in 10 minutes. haha Was REALLY nice seeing those kids again. I really missed them.
BRIAN MADE ME MORE UPSET THEN I CAN REMEMBER BEING IN A VERY LONG TIME. hah.
i cannot believe that fucker cut his hair. it was EPIC! agghhh hah
So now there is no film in my house left to be developed. I feel so much closure. haha Florida pics, MORE PROM PICS, and some from a family get together, forgot I took numerous pics of Jim.. heh but yeah. tired. and have to be up in less than 12 hours. so I should atleast attempt to go to bed soon. Need to put all these pics in my sketchbook. I really think I took some decent scenic pics in Florida. as soon as I can find a good hosting site, I shall post :)
night.
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[17 Sep 2004|01:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
grr-ish? |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tbs |
] |
So... things are good. Dinner with the boy tomorrow. Should get my Florida pics developed.. stupid lens is stuck. arrgghh. so sick of tara right now. i hate everybody being at school. i woke up feeling so alone today - it was such a terrible feeling. then i worked all day and went over jims. kinda wish i hadn't but whatever. i feel like he takles me forgranted sometimes. i always want to say things to him, but am so bad at it. whatever. am in such a crappy mood. Tara pissed me off so bad. fuck all this stupid shit. I hate being the last one with morals.
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| Berg |
[15 Sep 2004|12:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
saves the day |
] |
BeavFlyer: Did you know that when you pee on an electric fence, it sparks?
BeavFlyer: ...and tingles
MuteVocalist3: . . .
MuteVocalist3: i don't think I even have to say anything
BeavFlyer: Hey, I got $4 out of it. lol
...'nuff said
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[10 Sep 2004|11:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Shinedown :: .45 :: |
] |
This memo is to officially notify the public that Christina M Cappa is now a licensed driver in the great state of Pennsylvania.
That is all.
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[09 Sep 2004|07:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tummy. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
phone with jimmers |
] |
NEED to go down to the beach one last time..
Who's with me?
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| merrrh |
[09 Sep 2004|07:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
i have a tummy ache :( |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Breaking Benjamin ::So Cold:: |
] |
I'll admit - I'm mildly upset/disappointed that I'm not @ Jim's right now. I really thought I was going to be able to go there right after work. But no, Glenn fucked him over and it took an hour and a half longer than expected for him to get there. Asshole. I really dislike that fuckin' kid. What a waste. But anyways, he's @ his mom's painting. And I know he's got the best of intentions, but because of the way things have worked out the past few days, I've only see him an hour or so a day. I thought I'd be able to spend a good solid amount of time with him tonite.. but I guess not. This is really diappointing. I mean tomorrow, tomorrow is my license thingy, which I am going to pass, so I can do WHATEVER I WANT. But still.. I don't want to sit home... I want to say fuck it.. but tomorrow. Ah. tomorrow I will be totally free. I HAVE TO PASS THIS TIME! best of luck for me. I desperately need it.
half an hour later: he called and said it's going to take him atleast another half an hour or so to finish. so that would be atleast 8:30 before he gets here.. and then we hang out for... an hour? maybe an hour and a half? I told him I was disappointed, but not angry - afterall it's not his fault his friends' a shmuck. Just like, when I go out of my way to be all pretty... and he doesn't do what he says he will.... He says he does most of the time... but I remember a NUMBER of times where I've been disappointed. This has to change.
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| hah hah hah hahaha |
[07 Sep 2004|10:49pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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calling jim |
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Heartbreaker1779 [10:45 PM]: hi
CC531515 [10:45 PM]: Hello
CC531515 [10:45 PM]: who is this?
Heartbreaker1779 [10:45 PM]: valerie 18 just moved to langhorne
CC531515 [10:45 PM]: ok..
Heartbreaker1779 [10:45 PM]: into girls?
CC531515 [10:46 PM]: i have a boyfriend.
Heartbreaker1779 [10:46 PM]: ever kissed a girl?
CC531515 [10:46 PM]: aside from my grandma, no
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| weekend |
[06 Sep 2004|10:27pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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on phone with jim |
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so saturday: Jim came over around 1. I was kinda mad that he called me to tell me he wouldn't be over for a while... then he came over like an hour after he aid he was "leaving now" so I was kinda pissed about that too. Then he came over and tasted like smoke. So of course that upset me. PLUS I'm like 3 days away from my period so I was way more emotional than normal. I cried. Not hard, but after having talked about it. He just apologized and apologized, said he should have just come over when he said he was going to. Shouldn't have smoked beforehand. I felt bad.. I don't like to bitch.. but oh well .. atleast I don't just get upset and act all pissy with no explanation. I just get it off my chest and then it's done. I gave him the collage I made him and had framed. 20 mins later he stepped on it. So I'm getting a new frame for it tomorrow, and hanging it up for him. lol He's such an amazing boyfriend. really, he just makes me so VERY happy. so we hung out all day, and he stayed over. was SO nice waking up in his arms. I feel heavenly. heh merrrh.
Sunday: Woke up with Jim, showered, had breakfast, cleaned up and went back over his house. Mark and Cindy came back shortly after, we went swimming with them at Mark's mom's house. Saw his sister which was nice, she's a cool girl. Was nice seeing Cindy and Mark again.. had been a while. But um, was there for a few hours, then went back to Jims and just chilled out. God he makes me unbelievably happy. heh oh man. 6 months already. craziness
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[05 Sep 2004|12:01pm] |
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mood |
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a mixture of a lot of feelings |
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music |
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Lynard Skynard ::Simple Man:: |
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So thursday, I sat around, and then hung out with Jim eventually.. I think? I think I hung out with Tara also. Yeah, we did. Then Friday went to the Pub with Tara, Damien and Nick after having worked 9-5. My check sucked, but whatever. Haven't even cashed it yet. So yesterday, parents left for the shore. Jim came over, we sat around and made this really good chicken. Then we made strawberry daiquiri's and went for a bike ride. twas fun. then we chilled here until like 10 and he went home. just sat online for a while killing time, talking to a few people. talked to Dennis and he said he was in a kinda shitty mood - that he just wanted to get out of the house - so around like 12:30 he came over and we sat and talked and had sandwiches and then went swinging around 4:30. heh I GOT THE WORST HICCUPS WHILE WE WERE OUT!!! uggghh it was terrible Then just watched more t.v. eventually, he left around like, 7. and I went to sleep. Jim called at 11:30 to tell me he had been home for a while and wasn't coming over for a while, either. ok? whatever. i'm going to go eat something now.
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[04 Sep 2004|10:20pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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on the phone with Jim |
] |
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| West Palm Baby!!! |
[31 Aug 2004|02:20pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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b.e.p. ::Hey Mama:: |
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Alas, my friends - this is my last day in West Palm. Am surely going to miss it here. Though I am feeling a tad homesick. I don't miss Jim as much as I would worried that I might, tho I know it will feel awfully nice to be in his arms again.
heh have a dentist appointment tomorrow, wonderful little welcome home present. The little boys are so adorable. The youngest (4) Ethan keeps asking why I can't go swimming (well, cuz I'm leaving soon) why (cuz i have to go home) why? (cuz i miss my family and i have a flight to catch) huh? (a plane, i am flying home tonite) no. (okay??) STAY STAY STAYYY!!! forever! stay! (i'm sorry i can't) and then he chased me with scissors...
they are the spawn of satan. literally. but they are so adorable. i love these kids.
so yeah - flight at 6:50pm. ::crosses fingers::
as much as I know it's safe - I still get a tad nervous.....
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[26 Aug 2004|04:19pm] |
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mood |
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mildly conflicted |
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music |
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Blindside ::sleepwalking:: |
] |
Lets hope it's just the heat...
5:04 update:
40 minutes later and I realize.. no.. it probably isn't.
and I have the bad feeling in my stomach to confirm it.
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| West Palm Baby!!! |
[26 Aug 2004|03:48pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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hum of lawnmowers outside |
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So right now i'm in Florida with Tara and I'm having a lot of fun. It's real hot but it's nice out. It's thundered/lighning'd (heh .. umm?) and rained the past 3 afternoons, but it always clears up. It's so nice today. Went out to get a little sun earlier. definately could stand for a little color. heh me = toooo white. mm.. i really wanna find out what there is to do here.. wanna get in a little more shopping. wonder what we're doing tonite......
I'm never coming home. bwaaa hahahahaa
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| countdown to West Palm Beach |
[22 Aug 2004|12:20pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Nibiroo ::Little White Dog:: |
] |
T-Minus 28 Hours and Counting
tick tick tick..
but yeah - me and her hottness (Tara) will be hitting up the Florida beaches in less than 2 days..
Obviously bringing my camera.. haha
Jim left for Vermont this morning. And I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow. Talk about lucky coincidence. I won't be back 'til after he starts school tho.
I'm really looking forward to this week.. should be crazy. So the house we're staying in: It's Tara's family we're staying with - and she tells me that it's a 5 person family... and they have 3 extra bedrooms... and most of the people in the neighborhood.. have hangars in their backyards.. ya know, for their planes... haha
Lets just hope there are no hurricanes... heh
the boy was kinda upset about that one, but what can ya do? I haven't been to Florida since I was 3. And I really wanna go with Tara.. this should be an insane week.
And you can bet I'll be posting a shit load of pictures. haha
Hopefully can work on my tan a bit..
Jim was so sweet last night, made me happy that we're leaving it like that. I mean, we're not breaking up - it's just kinda on pause for a week.. nothing can really change while we're thousands of miles apart, can it? haha Poor boy. Stuck in a station wagon with 4 other people for a 6 hour drive. And I'ma be flyin' in style tomorrow evening, down to West Palm Bizeach. I helped him pack up last night, fold and put away all his laundry.. attempt to fix that bed. heh ..we broke it.. but yeah, all the little things I was starting to worry about with us (i.e - I thought I wasn't "special" to him anymore, that he wasn't considerate of our time together, etc) I think will be remedied by the next 10 days we're going to be spending apart. It makes sense in my head, anyways. I have so much to do today - I really wish I could drive. arrgghh I would just be in such a better place.
haha so I put in 2 random addresses from Vermont, and one from West Palm Beach.. 1608 miles and 24½ hours apart for the next 10 days. hehe That worked out nicely.
Anyways, I have to go shopping soon. so I'm out :)
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[21 Aug 2004|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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the clash ::track 5...:: |
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I felt ready. It felt okay tonite. I didn't feel like crying on the way home (unlike last night..) I think I'm okay with this. I mean, I am. heh It's just like 10 days or something. But still.. the last time we were apart this long, it was a week and ½ into the relationship. This is nearly 6 months. Little bit different, but I think it will be better when I get home. All the little things that are beginning to become apparent, I think will be corrected by my week in Florida. ah. so MUCH on my mind, but I think that's okay. Worked 16 hrs in the past 2 days. But it's worth it for the $ I'll be coming into. And I NEED to pay car insurance. next try: sept. 10th ... lets hope this one goes better
will write more later
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| poopie |
[18 Aug 2004|12:07am] |
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mood |
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beating myself up |
] |
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music |
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tara sleeping |
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how do I not get disappointed when he says he'll do things, and, 9 times out of 10, doesn't. I come to expect him not to... but is that really the way to go? BLAH. I end up getting all icky about stupid shit, and he doesn't understand - but it's not like I give two shits about that once incident - it's the compilation, the cumulative effect that results from constantly being disappointed. Maybe it's that I'm not happy with ME or the way MY life is right now .. so maybe it's just that? I end up feeling either neglected or unwanted. I find myself questioning everything. It's awful. If you can avoid it, don't live this way. It kills when I know he's with people I don't like. That don't deserve to take up his time. I KNOW that's selfish - you don't need to tell me that. But he spends time with shit heads and ends up being too tired when I'm going out. I care about him SO much though!! It'd be so amazing if I could talk to somebody about all this shit; but the last thing I wanna do is bore some poor soul with every rotten detail of my life. Bah. I just want someone to tell me I need to lighten up - and how to do it. How do I change my very nature?? It has NEVER been conducive to a pleasant environment, so I know I need to change it - but HOW?? Ack! It scares me - that I DON'T KNOW.
I don't know so many things.
I need to be taught.
I want to learn
working 2-10 really takes it outta you
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[14 Aug 2004|02:31am] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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tara's watching :last comic standing: |
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a LOT has happened since Monday. Had that talk with Jim. Things are better. He calls when he says he will... thus far. he owes me a "special meal." hanging out with tara a lot. am here now. things got scrappy at home - so i packed up. am so tired. eckerd is so much easier than every other job i've ever had. and it's a 4 minute walk from my boyfriends' house. i can do that. failed my driving test today. did everything perfectly, pulled back into the parking lot, and as he was telling me where to park, i missed the final stop sign. i cried. UGH! jim made me feel better. work 4-10. not bad. 7$ an hour to read mags. yesterday was nice, seeing everybody.
tara saves my life. i love her
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[09 Aug 2004|10:30pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
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music |
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shinedown ::simple man:: lynard skynard cover |
] |
( long survey )
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cc531515's journal
